Dear Mommy,

Thank you for paving the way for me to do everything that I set my mind to do. My first thoughts of you are you all glammed up wearing a stunning black cocktail dress your hair giving all sorts of life and your beautiful smile. So confidence, regal, so black and beautiful. Thank you for showing me that it was better than okay to accept my skin and relish in the coils of my hair. Thank you for wanting greater for me when I didn’t know that greatness lye in everything you taught me. Thank you for the 32 years that I got to love on you.

2014 was the year that change my life forever.

Jan: I had my first interview out of college, moved in with my fiancé and canceled my flight home to see you to start my new job.

Feb: you and Daddy got sick with the flu but you became worse and you were sent to the hospital.

March: you no longer could breathe on your own so that have you a machine to help. This was the second to last time I heard your voice.

April: I married my sweetheart outside of his hometown after I spoke to Daddy and you on the phone to get y’all blessing. It broke my heart that I couldn’t see your face or her your voice but daddy said that you were all for us getting married because it look like relief that someone you like was going to take care of me and you didn’t have to worry about me not being safe or loved. The next day we we’re married. Him in his pen stripe suit and me in my blush color knee high dress in our chapel house wedding. The video was sent to you that stay day. Where I’m told tears came to your eyes because you were happy but sad you weren’t there.

May: Daddy calling to tell me that they will take you of the breathing machine next month because you’re getting stronger. I asked to speak to you just do I could tell you I love you and couldn’t wait to hear your voice.

June: I got promoted. This was the first time I heard your voice in months. Hearing the words “Hi baby” struggle from your once strong and powerful voice made me happy that we we’re on the phone even though I wanted to be on the same state as you were. I don’t think I could have been the strong person you have made me to be if I was in don’ts of you. As I chatted your ear off telling you about work, the new position my tears stream down my face as my voice stay light and happy. Asking you if you like the wedding video. That I couldn’t wait to plan the big wedding for when you to get out for you to be there. Asking you about the colors you thought went well and themes. Letting you know how much I loved you and missed you and that I would be home in July to see you for my birthday. Making all those plans on a rushed 15-minute call. Feeling you get tired but wanting every minute I could share with you over the phone. Your last words to me we’re “I love you and I’ll talk to you later”

These are the words I reply in my head as life keeps moving on without my permission. 2014 the year everything become silent. I have tried so hard to remember your voice. To recall memory in my head to keep you fresh in my thought to not lose you again.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. I would have never thought that you wouldn’t be around for me to continue to show you or lavish you with my words of thanks. I’m so grateful that before you passed away the woman who gave me life. I was able to tell you thank you and give you your flowers while you we’re living. Thank you for showing me how to be me. For introducing me to God, for saying all the things that needed to be said so that I could become a phenomenal woman like you.

I can honestly say that your guidance in my life has help to shape a woman that will continue to make you proud of me. I strive for excellence because you expected excellence. The standard has not changed because of your passing. Your life has only risen the bar so I will always be thankful. “I love you too Mommy and I can’t wait to see you later when that time comes. Hopeful if you’re watching me now my life will have shown you how thankful I am that God blessed my sibling, my father, family, friends and myself with a woman who live by example, only asking for what she herself was willing to give. So thank you for being the world’s greatest mom to me, the worlds extraordinary woman.

Love always your baby,

Indigo

You can find the short publish version at For Harriet

 http://www.forharriet.com/2016/05/dear-mama-black-women-share-letters-of.html#axzz48MeLlFoy