I know mother’s day has come and past but this is the first year without my mother. In fact May 31st will make the 1st year without her. Last weekend I thought I was going to be overcome with grief. I was sort of preparing for it. I didn’t want to be around other people and their moms or see people on social media giving thanks to their moms while mine wasn’t here. I thought I would let my husband go spend time with his family and I would lie in bed and numb doing homework and out watching movies that would not remind me of mothers or my mother. But God is so good.

Last month I pushed myself to enter into written a ‘Dear Mama’ letter for http://www.forharriet.com/ while I was on my Canada trip. At Frist I wasn’t going to write the piece because I didn’t think I would get selected. But two weeks later I got an email that lifted my spirits. Just a confirmation that they would be using my letter in in their Mother’s day special. I was overjoyed. I remember thinking to myself wow they really picked me. It’s everything a lost child without their mom would feel. How thankful I was for God blessing me with such a mother and still blessing me because of my mother with her gone.

Like I said God is so good. After my Husband pushing me to make the 4 1/2 drive from Asheville to Fayetteville, working on my laptop to complete a 12 page consulting project that was due in less than 9 hours. I went with him, giving up on my plans to just be in the house alone and be sad on Mother’s day. During the drive all sorts of thoughts flooded my mind the same ones I had all week. “Why doesn’t he (my husband) understand that I’m just not in the space to celebrate other people’s mothers? Doesn’t he get it that this will make a year this month? He so selfish. Then I began to think maybe I’m selfish how dare I not gave thanks to the women in his life before me that made him great for me? What kind of daughter-in-law am I? I was just all over the place. I was confused and just worried that I would be an emotional mess ruining Mother’s day for everyone.

However, God truly knows what is needed. Once we made it to Fayetteville (still not done with my project with 5 hours left) we began making our rounds to family and friends home to say hello, wishing them Happy Mother’s day and catch up. I felt like every woman that I wished ‘Happy Mother’s day a renew strength was poured on me. Each house we stopped at I was able to power though any topic on my paper and speak words or receive words of encouragement.  I didn’t even have time to mourn the loss of my mother on Mother’s day tho I missed her and turning my paper in at 11:34 pm with less than 30mins to spare.

http://www.forharriet.com/ had posted my ‘Dear Mama’ letter ( the letter on their site can be found here http://www.forharriet.com/2016/05/dear-mama-black-women-share-letters-of.html#axzz48MeLlFoy ) I was just happy to be healing.

Mother’s day was a blessing My husband and I took the Mothers to a breakfast to celebrate their day. We got the chance to love on them. I was even leaving “Happy Mother’s day” on the women pages on Facebook (I thought I was going to take the day off from social media) it still hurt to see the mothers but not as bad as I thought. And tho I didn’t hitting up my Facebook wall with picture and quotes of RIP mommy. I was just happy that my letter spoke all the words that my heart felt about my mother.

I got the chance to read the other volunteer who wrote their dear mama letters and I was moved to tears. To read that some of their mothers had passed as well and they were still trying to figure out what life looks without their mothers made me feel even better that I’m not alone. This made me know that I’m going to make it and I will be just what my mother would had expected from me. To make her proud through everything I do.

So If I didn’t get the chance to tell you on mother’s day or if I did already, here it is again. “Happy Mother’s day.” Thank you mothers for taking childless children and pouring love and strength back in them. To know that to mother a child is a gift from God. You don’t have to be a birth mother to be a mom. It’s through your action, your words, your care and love. So thank you.

(Dear Mommy Blog is my original Dear Mama letter.)

xxo,

Ind!go

Just Indigo Because I don’t know how to be anybody else but myself!