Do you feel like you’re ready to get married?

So did I. This is what one of my closest friends like to call was my 30-year itch. My time was coming soon, and I was about to hit that birthday mark. Where I felt at 30, I needed to be married, done with college, working in my career and starting on having my family.

I was far from my plan. I was dating the same person for the last four years, and I felt like he didn’t see the clock in my body that was ready to be married.

I was so depressed about everyone around me getting married and moving on with their lives starting families. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why God hadn’t sent me my mate or let my “friend” of four years prospect to me. I mean I thought I was doing all the right things.

But if I’m going, being honest with myself I was and I wasn’t.

Before 4-year boo

I would pray for a hot five mins, go to church for a good two weeks and once God sent his word to me that I would get married. There I went out the church doors and down to the club looking for my Mr. Right. Starting my cycle of singles all over.

Starting my cycle of singleness all over. Psalm 138.3

I wasn’t waiting on God because I was too busy hunting for my man. Too busy holding onto the pain and the past of what the last man did to me or what I allow being done to me.

I didn’t have any standards.I didn’t even know why I wanted to be married.I just knew I was tired of me and tired of being single.

How can you have the mate God has for you if first, you cannot submit yourself to him-Your heart, hurt, pain, love, desires and most importantly your trust.

I could remember one time laying on the couch in my parent’s living using the furniture as tissue as my tears to stain the fabric. I never knew how thirsty I was to get married. Until I started getting closer to my 30’s.

If I’m going to be all the way honest I was tired of sleeping around with men that we’re not my mate. I felt guilty that I wasn’t going to be a virgin for my wedding night. This was the thing I was taught throughout going to church as a young girl. Wait on God. Wait until your wedding night to have sex. Wait..Wait..Wait.

I felt trapped when the time came to have sex, so I just went with the flow. I was ready to stop this and have something to give to my mate. So I felt that marriage was my answer.

How could I have the mate God had for me if first, I couldn’t submit or commitment myself to him-My heart, hurt, pain, love, desires and most importantly your trust? I stated this earlier, but I had to look really at myself. Not judge me and let go of my shame.

I know God heard those cries of mine, he saw my heart. I felt like no one could relate to me. I had to release everything I was carrying around with me. It was making sick, changing my attitude turning me into an unpleasant person.

The night I gave everything to God was the night my life was changed. I was committed and ready for a new change. A new beginning.

Look out for Part II coming soon